Five Sentence Fiction Entry: Jeff Tsuruoka

This flash fiction entry is by Jeff Tsuruoka for Five Sentence Fiction, which is hosted over at the blog of the lovely Lillie McFerrin. The theme this week is Faeries, which is a rather favorite topic of mine.

Brother’s Keeper
Rogen slipped out of his shirt to reveal an intricate tattoo which glowed bright red in the candlelight. 

Daragh stood in the doorway and did not watch as Cait laid her lovely hands on Rogen’s chest and then disappeared into his body in a wisp of bright red smoke.

“Do not be sad, dear brother,” sneered Rogen, “for she was lost to you the moment she set eyes upon me.”


Daragh walked out of the house without a word and did not look back when his brother began to scream.


He found a comfortable-looking stump and sat down to wait for Cait to return to him from his dead brother’s house.

19 Comments

  1. Rowanwolf
    Jun 23, 2012

    Very creepy, and I didn’t expect the twist at the end. I like the voice for this fairy tale. Bravo!

  2. Angela
    Jun 23, 2012

    WOAH. Didn’t see that coming! There’s a whole book in those 5 sentences! Well done, m’friend!!

  3. Bullish
    Jun 23, 2012

    Holy wow!! Wonderful and surprising!! Would love to know the back-story here!! :)

  4. JTsuruoka
    Jun 23, 2012

    Thanks all… I might just have to develop this story further… 😉

  5. JennaQuentin
    Jun 23, 2012

    I was surprised she could enter the tattoo, but the ending was really surprising – very scary! Dropping in from FSF.

  6. Stephanie
    Jun 23, 2012

    Wow! This story kept me on the edge of my seat! Fantastic ending!

  7. injaynesworld
    Jun 23, 2012

    This packed a wallop! What intriguing and full characters you’ve managed to create with so few words. Very nice.

  8. michelle
    Jun 23, 2012

    I’m wondering about the lovely Cait. Can she be trusted?
    This is really interesting! So many questions…
    I get the feeling that this is the tip of a massive iceberg… a fantastic tale begging to be told…

  9. Anya Breton
    Jun 24, 2012

    Sweeeeeet lines, Jeff!
    This is definitely LEAN tough prose.
    Impressive!

  10. JTsuruoka
    Jun 24, 2012

    Thanks some more, all! Feeling the love… 😉

  11. Lora
    Jun 24, 2012

    A surprising and creepy ending. Lovesick Daragh may have to wait for a long time.

  12. awriterisborn
    Jun 24, 2012

    This is intriguing. I like the stories with the unexpected twists and ominous overtones.
    Great job.

  13. Victoria
    Jun 25, 2012

    That was a powerful write with a great surprise ending.

  14. JB Lacaden
    Jun 25, 2012

    Very, very interesting. I agree with the rest of the comments: the ending is great. I would love to read more.

  15. Tigerbrite
    Jun 25, 2012

    A real horror story :) I love to know why ?

  16. JTsuruoka
    Jun 25, 2012

    You will… I just added this to my working projects clipboard.

  17. J.M. Blackman
    Jun 26, 2012

    Whoa, the darkness of this piece is awesome. It’s got the feel of old cautionary tale of treating siblings well, etc. I’m definitely intrigued by the protagonist. Great job.

  18. Lillie McFerrin
    Jun 27, 2012

    Excellent!!! Perfectly dark and intriguing. Thank you so much for joining in FSF and sharing your awesome writing with us :)

  19. pinionpost.com
    Jun 27, 2012

    “Do not be sad, dear brother,” sneered Rogen, “for she was lost to you the moment she set eyes upon me.” Ha! Who could be sad about that?

    I love the Darahgh’s knowing silence — what we might take at first for resignation turns so quickly into something else. Great story.

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